I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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