just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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