If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Shame - the story of my life.
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