she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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