Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
