I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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