There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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