Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
