being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
