I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
