My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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