The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
