I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
