It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
