Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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