I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
