Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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