I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
