omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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