I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
