let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
