Someone shit on the floor
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
