there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My ATM looks so different sober.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
