u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
