I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
