I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Mom said you looked used
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am available for nakedness
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
