I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
