Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
