I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
