This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
