Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
