checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
