Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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