you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
