My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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