Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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