my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
