I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
