Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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