The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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