I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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