at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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