it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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