very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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