Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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