foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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