Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
