i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
