Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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