she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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