never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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