Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
