Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
