why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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