I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
