my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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