ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
