I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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