After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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