I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
