hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
