You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
