Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
