I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
