I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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