No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do