I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.