Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.