it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.