If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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