dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.