tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.