And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
