Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
