i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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