Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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