my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
