Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
